chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
