I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
