so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
