dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I have feelings that need drinking.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
