Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
