My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
