I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
