If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
