yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
This is the high leading the old right now
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
