Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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