Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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