We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
