guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
