I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
