don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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