i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
