Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
