Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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