dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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