if you like me you must not know who I am
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
