babies were throwing up all over the place
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
