i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
