The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
