I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
