matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
operation have a gay friend backfired
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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