also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
