i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
