Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
