pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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