i just made my gag reflex go away.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
