Tell her she can't have a vagina
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
