11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
