My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
