oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
