I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
