I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
YAS. BRING CRAB.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
