when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Less talking, more tequila
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
