i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
