Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
