I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
