Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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