Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
