So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
