I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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