I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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