I swear she didn't look like that last week.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Randomize
