You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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