Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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