PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
is it fun? or sober?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
