I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
